Finding where you belong

So many folks spend a lifetime sorting out how to belong to this group or that one. Should I join the croquet club or the crocheting club? I like to swim, but the pool is always so crowded, how do I fit there? Understanding belonging is a big deal any time, but certainly, as you exit school and other required venues of belonging. And, if you are reading this blog at 72 years of age, it's not too late for you, either!

The Jewish New Year and the rest of the High Holidays are upon us. Next Friday evening, the ceremonies, the dinners, the gatherings, and the duties all begin again. And for many it's a chore, for others, it's simply repetition and tradition. But for some of us, it's a heartstring and a way of reconnecting with our place and our sense of belonging. 

How do we find our place? Is it on the pickleball court, in the library, with that person or those people? Do we have a revulsion of being with those work associates and cannot wait to move on? Finding your place-- that's a big part of maturation and personal growth. 

How do we find that place? I could describe it in this way. What are you finding yourself making happen just now? And what gives you a sense of pleasure? Is it your work? Your studies? Your time alone or your time with others? Is it sport? Is it food? Whatever is giving you that 'smile on the inside'... that's what you should continue. You should find ways in which to participate there with some semblance of regularity. 

Is it religion? Is it philosophy? At the end of each day, or at least today, if you could do something again, what would it be? OK, that's a single driver, but now expand that. What has given you joy this year? Did it involve others or were you completely isolated? 

Take an honest evaluation, use a journal if you can, look back through your photos on FB or Insta, how long did you spend watching reels on TikTok or bingeing on Netflix? What is it about that genre of comedy or movies or songs that gets you going? 

OK< you are finding out what's important to you. I interviewed a woman in Virgina on my podcast last week who is a financial helper to many. Suzanne Scullion runs GRACE Financial Coaching. She starts her initial meeting with folks with some questions about what their financial goals are, and then monitors their spending habits. She said basically, "If they tell me their goals are for sending children to college but they spent $1,400 on eating out last month, they are not being realistic." 

So, with Suzanne's advice in mind, what have you determined to be your real interests? That's the first 'port of call' in determining your place of belonging. 

Now, look around. and see who else is walking out at that same place. See who is near you, and they are doing what they enjoy. It could be the church, and you find out that this guy and that gal are also in your neighbourhood. You join them in their small group and you find out they have other similar interests. It could be as simple as an evening stroll at home after dinner. You meet someone or others who are also going out for their 'evening constitutional.' It starts with a greeting, "Evening, Joe." and progresses to deeper and meaningful conversations. 

Finding belonging matters. 

Finding others with whom you belong is essential for a meaningful life. It starts with self-evaluation and honesty. Start there, and let me know how you go. Maybe we belong together?

L'shana tovah!

To be or not to be...on Facebook

For about 7 weeks, I've been off Facebook. I have not looked at my page, nor noticed friend requests, nor private messages. What a pleasure it has been to have all that extra time for all kinds of other activities. I also remembered that social connection is worthwhile, so I spent more time on the phone and in-person contact with people in the US and here in Australia. When I was alone at an eatery, I didn't log onto my smart phone to see what others were doing; I read a bit, and pondered a bit, and enjoyed the silence of the media. Alone... not a bad place to be.

Wait, you say, God said, 'It is not good for a man to be alone.' And of course, I agree with that. And that has to do with lifetime relationships between a man and his wife. Still, there are times, when a man has to be alone with God, and a woman has to be pondering all that God is saying to her individually as well. I'm not Roman Catholic, but I always liked St. (Mother) Teresa's comment about prayer: Dan Rather, US news anchor on CBS-TV, once asked Mother Teresa what she said during her prayers. She answered, "I listen." So Dan turned the question and asked, "Well then, what does God say?" Mother Teresa smiled with confidence and answered, "He listens." Another of her famous quotes on solitude is here: "We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." (Quoted in Quotes
For more famous quotes from this gentle soul, here they are .

I guess all this to say, take some time to pray, to listen, and to ponder. Enjoy your meditation time with the Almighty. If you have time to join in the community of Facebook, so be it. Share God's good love with others on social media. But if you feel yourself swallowed and consumed by the need-to-know or the look-at-me self-exposure, then pull back. My seven weeks away was refreshing and moderating. May you also find God in your April and May, and throughout your days.

Densification and the new technocracy

Mark McCrindle is one of my go-to guys for trends in society, certainly in Australian society. He wrote an article for the Huffington Post about the latest trends and commented on this issue of crowding. He reports, "Australians have responded to the growth, with housing trends of densification, the growth in apartment living and "walkable" urban communities. In addition to this, the year ahead will see policy and political responses to population growth through more focus on growing regional centres, investing in public transport and road infrastructure, airport and flight movement expansions and renewed discussion of a very-fast train link between Sydney and Melbourne, which together are home to 40 percent of the national population."

In case you missed that, what Mark says is that more people are moving to Sydney and Melbourne from the countryside, where farming and cattle/ sheep stations are losing their populations, and internationals are moving to our capital cities, and since those two cities cannot really expand outward, they are expanding upward. In my own neighbourhood, on a section of land, formerly 18 houses on quarter acre plots were purchased over years, razed, and then developed (photo is of this structure) into 285 units without commensurate parking or other infrastructure services. We are buckling up for the crowdedness to continue everywhere there is a train line or good public transport via buses as well. Squeezing more people into same land means upward trends (but not necessarily upward mobility).

That may not mean anything to you just now, wherever you live, but be sure that this notion of packing-together will continue and demand for infrastructure will cost us all more in the years to come. If it doesn't cost you in money, it will cost you in time. Travel time will increase from one place to another, even if they put in a new fast-train from Sydney to Melbourne, as crowds don't make for ease on any level. Widening roads, increased toll charges, higher costs for products to transport from one place to another... all will assist this troubling trend.

McCrindle also comments on technocracy, which would translate to "the power of technology." He writes, "Technology is now empowering and, in many ways, improving democracy. Traditionally, democracy worked through corresponding with one's local Member of Parliament, signing petitions to be tabled, and of course voting in elections. However, in a technocracy, tweets, trending hashtags, likes and online campaigns have the power to reverse government decisions and influence policy priorities. Such clicktivism gives voice to those beyond adults and enrolled voters and those outside of an electoral or state boundary."

We have been calling this the 'democratisation of information' but I like the term 'technocracy.' When in the past you wanted to know something, you went to an authority, like a rabbi, a teacher, a librarian, someone in authority. Now the blogosphere/ world of tweets has given us anyone as an authority. That's good news and bad news at the same time. Good that any informed person can actually share what they know, to anyone who is actually asking. The truth can get to you fairly quickly, thanks to Google.
What's bad is that people who don't know what they are saying still can say it, and gather a following. Being heard is key to Twitter and Facebook, and the issue of being heard may replace the need to be right, but I'll leave that to the sociologists.

So a madman from ISIS or Boko Haram can write/ video his truth, and voila, some other madman in San Bernardino or Paris will take up the cause and kill and maim. The power (cracy) that people long for, the power to be heard, the power to matter, the power to have significance... are not going to be found in gathering followers. The power of technology is useful for disbursing information and learning when the movie you want to see is showing, but it's useless in being a person of worth. For that, you need the power of God. He alone gives worth to people. He alone shares purpose with you. And this is something we need, more and more, as crowds gather and swarm around us, as information technology passes us by, as Uber drivers and Flipagrams replace the local taxi and YouTube we just discovered.

Don't get lost in the madness; don't get lost in the shuffle. The great Jewish king Solomon wrote, "The LORD has made everything for its own purpose." (Proverbs 16.4) You want to find (your own) significance? Turn towards the Lord who knows you better than anyone (else) and wants to give you your own raison d'être. He will help you sort out the mess, the confusion, the disorientation, and bring you meaning beyond words, and beyond technology and beyond the crowd.

It won't hurt to try.