Finding where you belong

So many folks spend a lifetime sorting out how to belong to this group or that one. Should I join the croquet club or the crocheting club? I like to swim, but the pool is always so crowded, how do I fit there? Understanding belonging is a big deal any time, but certainly, as you exit school and other required venues of belonging. And, if you are reading this blog at 72 years of age, it's not too late for you, either!

The Jewish New Year and the rest of the High Holidays are upon us. Next Friday evening, the ceremonies, the dinners, the gatherings, and the duties all begin again. And for many it's a chore, for others, it's simply repetition and tradition. But for some of us, it's a heartstring and a way of reconnecting with our place and our sense of belonging. 

How do we find our place? Is it on the pickleball court, in the library, with that person or those people? Do we have a revulsion of being with those work associates and cannot wait to move on? Finding your place-- that's a big part of maturation and personal growth. 

How do we find that place? I could describe it in this way. What are you finding yourself making happen just now? And what gives you a sense of pleasure? Is it your work? Your studies? Your time alone or your time with others? Is it sport? Is it food? Whatever is giving you that 'smile on the inside'... that's what you should continue. You should find ways in which to participate there with some semblance of regularity. 

Is it religion? Is it philosophy? At the end of each day, or at least today, if you could do something again, what would it be? OK, that's a single driver, but now expand that. What has given you joy this year? Did it involve others or were you completely isolated? 

Take an honest evaluation, use a journal if you can, look back through your photos on FB or Insta, how long did you spend watching reels on TikTok or bingeing on Netflix? What is it about that genre of comedy or movies or songs that gets you going? 

OK< you are finding out what's important to you. I interviewed a woman in Virgina on my podcast last week who is a financial helper to many. Suzanne Scullion runs GRACE Financial Coaching. She starts her initial meeting with folks with some questions about what their financial goals are, and then monitors their spending habits. She said basically, "If they tell me their goals are for sending children to college but they spent $1,400 on eating out last month, they are not being realistic." 

So, with Suzanne's advice in mind, what have you determined to be your real interests? That's the first 'port of call' in determining your place of belonging. 

Now, look around. and see who else is walking out at that same place. See who is near you, and they are doing what they enjoy. It could be the church, and you find out that this guy and that gal are also in your neighbourhood. You join them in their small group and you find out they have other similar interests. It could be as simple as an evening stroll at home after dinner. You meet someone or others who are also going out for their 'evening constitutional.' It starts with a greeting, "Evening, Joe." and progresses to deeper and meaningful conversations. 

Finding belonging matters. 

Finding others with whom you belong is essential for a meaningful life. It starts with self-evaluation and honesty. Start there, and let me know how you go. Maybe we belong together?

L'shana tovah!